The Legend of The Machine... Chris Crouse

Many have seen him walking around or driving his maroon Saturn but few know the really story about Chris Crouse. I've decided to take this time and display stories that are completely fact about the Machine.

Reasons for the Name

1. Chris is referred to as "Machine" because of the lack of emotion he shows
   
2. also he was given this name via Zach Shamberg for his resemblance to the actor Chris Bauer in the movie 8mm) Here is a picture of Machine in the movie 8mm Machine
3. The loss of both ACLs but he still as able to perform athletic feats makes many ponder the thought of his knees being mechanical thus making him a machine
   

Some Urban Legends Provided By Tim Corbett

Machine can hibernate for up to 6 months at a time and uses supercooling in his body to survive

Machine was spotted wrestling the Loch Ness Monster
in regards to the missing body of the Loch Ness Monster Tim had this to say
Machine swam to the bottom of the lake dug a hole and buried Nessie

Machine and Nessie were good friends but then Machine betrayed Nessie because people like him more. Machine lost his temper and drowned the friendly creature (even thought he admits he doesn't know how one would go about drowning the Loch Ness Monster) the body is believed to be buried in a hold under rocks and a shipwreck.

On the 7th day, Jesus did not rise from the dead it was Chris Crouse

When Machine was confronted by the abdominal snow man Machine resorted to his usual tactic off destroying everything in his path. He did this by pissing on him and the snow man quickly melted saturated in the Machine's urine

The tooth fairy is real, but Chris Crouse robbed her of all of her money for the CPP (Crouse's Pussy Palace). While she recovers from bankruptcy you will find your parents putting money under your pillow.

Other Ubran Legends about Chris Crouse

1. He killed famed big foot
   
2. Chris Crouse is the reason no one has ever made it through the Bermuda Triangle
3. Chris Crouse is the Bermuda Triangle
4. Chris Crouse swallowed Amelia Earhart's plane that is why it has never been found
   
5. There are only two objects that can be seen from outerspace Chris Crouse and his bush
6. Germany surrender in WWII not because they were losing on the battlefield but in response to the threat of the unleashing of THE weapon of mass destruction named Chris Crouse
   

***Have your own Chris Crouse stories? Share them with everyone please just send the stories to them and I will update this website***

SOON TO COME

flyers of Chris Crouse to be spread at around our college campus